The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking....
.....Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking....
.....Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
Working on my art history report today was brutal. I have spent 15 hours on it so far, and still am no where near getting it done. And it's due on Tuesday. What surprised me, is that I was actually able to make myself sit down and work on it all weekend. Actually, the fact that I have spent all weekend doing homework astounds me. I have never been one to do my assignments, and that was one of the biggest things holding me back from trying school again. I had zero faith in myself to have the self discipline to complete anything. The massive struggle and internal battle to finish my English course this summer has boosted my confidence in myself. I know now that if i just force myself, over and over, I will eventually get it done, no matter how impossible and overwhelming it may seem at first. I'm hoping that is the same case here. Although time is ticking way too quickly for my liking
Something else even more miraculous happened today. I have run out of my drug of choice. One that I have not been able to get through a day without in years pretty much, except for a few brief periods of clean time. Normally the cravings send me spinning, wanting to self destruct completely. But not today! The school assignments have kept my focused, and I am finding them much easier to do (go figure). The sketching calms me, and slows my racing mind. Today hasn't been an exercise in white knuckling it. There has been a huge freedom in the moments I stop what I am doing and notice that I haven't even thought about using for a couple hours. It is not taking me over. I am not under the impression that this will be the way it is always. But for today, I feel like I have really conquered the day, and most importantly, my own urges and mental roadblocks.
Something else even more miraculous happened today. I have run out of my drug of choice. One that I have not been able to get through a day without in years pretty much, except for a few brief periods of clean time. Normally the cravings send me spinning, wanting to self destruct completely. But not today! The school assignments have kept my focused, and I am finding them much easier to do (go figure). The sketching calms me, and slows my racing mind. Today hasn't been an exercise in white knuckling it. There has been a huge freedom in the moments I stop what I am doing and notice that I haven't even thought about using for a couple hours. It is not taking me over. I am not under the impression that this will be the way it is always. But for today, I feel like I have really conquered the day, and most importantly, my own urges and mental roadblocks.